My sister is an avid online shopper, and from time to time I'll receive a Facebook message from her with a list of links to clothes that she's currently obsessing over. Apparently getting a second opinion is "absolutely necessary", but honestly I think she just asks for my advice so she can do the opposite of whatever I tell her. Still, I dutifully click through
all most of the links, and I have to say it's a good way to waste 10 minutes. Especially when you get gems such as these:
No, no, not the shoes. I'm talking about the description next to the shoes. Call me cruel, but this sugar-coated confection of exclamation marks! and super bubbly adjectives is perhaps one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read.
First, there's the issue of the "sassy cutouts". I honestly didn't even know that cutouts could be sassy, but if what this person says is true, then I will personally congratulate him/her on finding the first cutout that can "tell that b**** to back off of my boyfriend" in a friendly yet menacing tone. So fun, right? And if they have sassy cutouts, then maybe we can get shoes with other types of cutouts, too - inexplicable melancholy cutouts, enjoys long walks on the beach cutouts, raging 'til dawn cutouts...the possibilities are endless!
This next gripe is actually just a personal opinion, but the day I see harem pants die will be the happiest of my career as a blogger. These baggy, parachute-esque pants have been the bane of my existence since 2007, during the peak of my obsession with the uber-hipster website Lookbook. A trip to the mall was incomplete unless I tried on a pair at Urban Outfitters, and let me tell you, my shapeless ass was not happy. And now this writer has the nerve to remind me of my total lack of hipster cred, as if not understanding Instagram and disliking Animal Collective were not enough to place me staunchly in the un-cool camp. Well, Shoo In Shoe, you and your awesome harem pants can just [censored material]!
The final straw? "Couture compliments!" According to Wikipedia (the most trusted source on the internet), couture is strictly defined by the French Chambre de commerce et d'industrie de Paris as companies that "design made-to-order for private clients, with one or more fittings, have a workshop (atelier) in Paris that employs at least fifteen people full-time, and present a collection each season (i.e., twice a year) comprising at least thirty-five runs/exits with outfits for both daytime wear and evening wear." I am fairly certain that leopard print shoes, even ones with a couple of sassy cutouts, do not quality as "couture", and I am not afraid to call you out on it. In fact, I'll even bet that Juicy Couture has more couture potential than these shoes. Yeah, I went there. I think you're going to need some aloe vera, because you just got burned!
Ok, ok, I'm being pretty harsh. And the shoes are pretty cute. But c'mon, who else thinks we can lay off the sugariness just a teensy-weensy bit? Anybody? Hello??